Fall Back

I managed to make it all the way through the summer and then through the first 2 months of school. It was a challenging summer as I really found it difficult to adjust to having all kids at home...plus I was recovering from surgery. Once July hit, I was able to start back at the gym and bring all the kids into the childcare. Getting back to fitness was so helpful for my outlook and I was able to get through the summer much better.

I was so excited when school began...but it began a week later than public school because we were hoping to be in our newly constructed building...sadly, its November 1st and the building is STILL not complete. Its really difficult to remain positive and hopeful, but they say the building will be done...someday.

Bennett is over two now and has begun to show his willfulness. He's not super oppositional but somedays are much more challenging than others. I am trying to warn him and prepare him for whats coming next, hoping that he will concede to getting into the car, or walking, or holding my hand. It takes alot of fore thought and attention to do this, but i'm hoping it will result in less slumping and resistance.

Audrey turned five in September and we had a lovely birthday party for her. She started kindergarten and is blossoming. She has had some difficulty with the girls in the class at times...the girls need to use their words. 

Ezekiel turns 7 this month! wow! He is doing awesome in Grade 2 and has shown some amazing results in math. He is also reading now, which is so exciting for me to see, but still needs help sometimes.

Diedre is enjoying being a bit more grown up this year, doing field trips with older grades and expressing her personality through fashion and lovely hairstyles for school. The kids wear uniforms, so the style is in the hair or earrings she chooses during the school week.

I am happy to be back in routine and into my Bible Study. I'm also going to help out with the school PAC, called Helping Hands at our school.

Summer holidays

I almost called this "Summer Vacay" but that might somewhat imply that we are going on a vacation. Truth is, my kids have been out of school for over a week. Going to Christian School means more family time, more holidays, much earlier school let out (like a whole 7 school days earlier than public school!). 

When I had one darling in school, I couldn't wait for holiday time. Now I'm sufficiently overwhelmed and really appreciate and thrive on having time to myself (and by that, I mean with only one child or sometimes two--and going to the gym). 

Also, I had umbilical hernia repair surgery in mid-June. My older two still had six days of school left at the time and so my husband had to do "my job" for a few days. He did awesome! He was getting around to the main jobs, sometimes around 11pm he'd do dishes. He took great care of the kids and just kind of left me to myself to rest and heal. He did do a few days of work which were a bit scary for me but my Mom came over one day and the other day I felt well enough to handle things--but that day was waaay to hard. 

He says he does not want to do my job anymore. It was much harder and busier than he expected...he was expecting to get all sorts of projects done around the house (fencing, build bunk beds, train the dog, sand and paint) but admitted after a day or two that he realized those things were not going to happen. 

I also must say that the first five or so days when I really needed Derek around were so lovely. I enjoyed our time together and as a family more than I think I did when ever we've had a new baby and mostly, I realized, because he was present with us and not taking on some huge project!

Once I started to feel better, and could do dishes or laundry, I got way more naggy--thankfully he let me know so I calmed myself down and shut my mouth as much as I could. 

I still have another 4 weeks of recovery with no lifting and so I have to be careful about my nearly 2-year-old. Thankfully Diedre can pop him into his crib for naptime and lift him out. 

I feel great really. Some friends have been bringing meals which is so sweet. I really needed it at the beginning, I'm at the end of needing that sort of help now. 

Knowing I still have a fair bit of recovery reminds me to slow down and not overcommit to summer outings. I am sort of planning to lay low for the first half of July but I'm really looking forward to getting back to the gym!

I'm really thankful for the medical system that allowed me to have surgery and to my husband for stepping in and being really helpful and caring for me in a way I haven't really experienced before. 

Big numbers begin

So I had a total meltdown last week in the days leading up to my 35th birthday. Looking at those two numbers, knowing they describe me, seem totally unreal. I was mostly upset that I felt so upset. Why wasn't I happier at this stage of life? Why was I so sad to turn 35? Thankfully, I got over it before my actual birthday so I could thoroughly enjoy it.

I went off Facebook in an attempt to surround myself with real life people that I want to build relationships with. Not that the 400+ friends on Facebook weren't meaningful to me (I am a softie and can remember why each one is special) but time and life circumstances have not been permitting that I actually spend time with these hoards of people and so in the middle of it all, I really felt lonely and isolated. The thought of getting a hundred "Happy Birthdays" from people was making me anxious.

I did not want to experience an artificial high from getting all sorts of attention that day, just to be left with more people that did not acknowledge me during a regular week.

As it were, I got 5 texts and 2 calls from those who I'm actually close to. Who I enjoy spending time with.

Well, another new experience happened on April 13th. I was told by my husband in advance that he would be planning my birthday activities and for me to please just let him do that. I planned to have no expectations and tried and mostly succeeded at having no control for one day. What an exercise in release! I am so used to being soooo responsible for everyone every moment of every day that perhaps that was the best gift of the day.

It began with kids heading to McDs with Dad while I rested at home (sleep in was the plan, our puppy Lucy did not quite allow that). Next, the kids excitedly gave me their gifts. My husband gave me an orange (carrot) teapot and 2 mugs. I've been wanting a teapot for 2 years. I loved the style he chose but on his assurance that he did not care at all if I exchanged it, we went to the mall and I picked a great blue of the same style. Later I went for coffee with my sweet Mama and she returned me home to go for a "hike" which soon revealed a lovely surprise party with some wonderful friends! My husband even chose my favorite appies to serve at the party. It was perfect. I felt very loved and treasured. It was a great day.

Going off Facebook and back to Blogger

I've thought of going off Facebook before but didn't want to lose all the photo albums I took the time to create. So, I did a little research and found out that I can deactivate now and everything stays the same and then I can reactivate later. I don't think I'm swearing off Facebook forever but just until I get my life in a better balance.

I thought if I blog, at least I'm using my mind to compose actual sentences and I can still record what's going on in my life without getting a flood of information all at once.

I am pretty hard on myself and I want to do a GREAT job as a mother, all while realizing that each individual child must make his or her own choices, mistakes, and life direction.

I put so much pressure on myself to not "mess them up" for their future but I also fully recognize that they are going to remember bad times, remember me needing a nap everyday, yelling, being on Facebook too much haha, and I desperately need to just let it all go. When we first had a baby, we always prayed that they would belong to God, so Lord, help me not to get in Your way!

So here's a picture of half of my lil bosses in a very sweet moment reading together.

our crazy life January 2013

I have to laugh when I see that a recent post was about my daughter turning 6--she'll be 8 next month--oops.

Now, I have a 6-year-old son ;D

and a 4-year-old daughter

and a lovely 18-month-old son.

Everyone seems to love this family picture so I'll throw that in so you can see who is in this family.

Family life is getting better and better. Having one child in diapers is much easier than multiples and we have only ever had multiples in diapers since we began the parenting journey some nearly 8 years ago!

Our eldest continues to be a leader and has impressed us with her maturity in handling many situations. She is such a wonderful daughter and is old enough to help with some things (which she thinks are fun--and are totally helpful to us!) like getting Bennett dressed or putting him in or taking him out of his high chair. We are continuing to teach her to be gracious with others as she is often first done in her school work and we just want her to be prepared for the day when she's not "first"! Thank goodness there is some competition in her class so she can at least be tied for first :) And even with her brother, just reminding her that he is nearly 2 years younger, even tho they are only one grade apart, so to give him time to learn things that she might think he should already know!

Our eldest son has maintained his sweet disposition that has won the hearts of many over the years in our family. He is still so kind and thoughtful. What really stands out about him now is his creativity and ability to conceive and construct amazing things--from a jet pack (made from paper, and tape--always lots of tape) to incredible Lego creations to all terrain vehicles made from paper rolls and cardboard. I came home from a weekend away to a cardboard robot and dog he had crafted for me. These are elaborate things that take alot of time (and tape) and he does them mostly unassisted. And, so exciting for me, he read his first book last night! I am so proud, it was "We share Everything" by Robert Munsch, so there is alot of repetition but he had to sound out some words and got to read some words he recognized too. It was great :)

Our Audrey, has been a sweet and a delight to hang out with as of late. Gone are the days when she could not help but "make trouble" for someone...ahhh, those will be distant memories soon...I am so thankful for the leaps and strides she has made. She is in a colouring stage and boy oh boy was she ever into making snowflakes over Christmas break---so many many snowflakes and tiny triangles of paper all over the floor and table. She is a terrific writer, writing notes of "AUDREY" and "MOM" all the time. She draws such adorable little people right now. I think this stage of drawing is my fave. All the kids have produced similar first drawings of people, but Audrey made these lines over the heads for hair. So cute. She is very boisterous and loud and is learning how to have playdates (its very disappointing when friends want to play what they want, when she has other ideas).

And Baby Boy Bennett--18 months old! I am so thankful we have made it to this point. Its been a tough road, not because of him, likely because of the whole jumble of things that we had to adjust to in the last year and a half. He is a delight. He is so friendly and happy. He is saying many words, and even singing some of them, and says the cutest "More?" for food. He totally lights up when he sees a sibling in the morning or after school--which is great because poor baby doesn't always feel like going for a car ride to pick up from school but I say "Let's go! We've gotta go get Zeke and Diedre." and then he agrees ;)
He loves climbing onto the table so he can get a good look at whatever the big kids might be doing there: colouring, eating snacks, crafting. He is also great with the morning routine of nurse, change diaper, back in the crib to play with toys and siblings :) makes my morning so much more do-able so I can have a shower!

And then there's the parents: tired, stressed, growing, learning...its a crazy life right now. Thank you Lord that You have a plan and Your ways are not our ways...You've got the solutions for our problems.

This was the verse I've been going back to all day today:

Proverbs 3:7-8 New International Version (NIV)

⁷ Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil.
⁸ This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.

When I am reminded that looking at the things that alarm me around me, looking at the problems I can't solve, allowing stress and anxiety to overwhelm me--just make it all so much worse--so then I remember, to look to Jesus. He has wisdom that does not come naturally to me. His plan for my life says to Seek Righteousness and shun evil. Don't spend my time focusing/getting worked up about "evil" but look at and focus on the good things the Lord is doing, has done, will do. Love what is good.